The way we see other people is often a reflection of how we see ourselves.
In fact, it is our most extreme reactions to other people that are often the most revealing. When we are intensely jealous of someone to the point of hatred, there is usually a reason. When we cannot stop comparing ourselves to someone else, there is usually a reason.
That reason is that there is something about them, or their lives, that we secretly aspire to have.
We might deny it, we might try to hide it, we might villainize them and victimize ourselves in order to feel better about it.
But in the end, when we are totally preoccupied about who is better than us, more attractive than us, more successful than us, or happier than us, it is always because there is a huge, gaping hole within us that we do not yet know how to fill.
We fill it with action.
We fill it by showing up.
We fill it by no longer neglecting our true desires and our deep needs.
We fill it by going after the life we really want.
We fill it by rising to the challenge, adapting to the competition, and becoming the absolute best version of ourselves.
Do you know what happens when you start showing up fully in your own life? You stop caring about who might be better than you.
When you think you look the best you possibly can, you stop caring that someone might look better. When you think you are doing the best you possibly can, you stop caring that someone might do better. When you think you are being the best you possibly can, you stop caring that someone might be better.
That insecurity almost always comes from our subconscious awareness that we are not doing all that we are capable of, and that person is. Instead of pointing out our own fault, we project it onto them, shaming, belittling, or trying to make them seem to be less than what they are.
This is not effective.
This does not do anything but make us seem petty and small.
Throwing shade at someone else’s light does not make you shine brighter, it only reveals the darkness within you.
The truth is that you don’t actually want to be better than other people, you just want to feel like you are enough, and you are never going to feel like you are enough if you aren’t showing up and trying to do what you truly want to do.
Worthiness is both something we are born with, and yet, something we must prove to ourselves over time. Nobody wakes up with profound confidence, it is something they build by getting out into the world and showing themselves that they are capable of what they desire.
The same is true here.
Someone else’s beauty does not make you less beautiful, someone else’s success does not make you less successful, someone else’s well being does not make you less healthy.
There is enough shine for everyone, there is enough success for everyone, there is enough goodness for everyone.
Instead of fighting to have someone else’s taken away, it’s time to start chasing your own.
When you really start showing up as the person you want to be, you’ll never again fear that you aren’t measuring up to someone else’s standard, because you’re measuring up to your own — and that’s all you really want anyway.
This is a guest post from Briana Weist.