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I hope you know that you always have a choice.
I hope you understand that you are capable of changing your life even if the odds are against you. I hope you know that there are people out there who are willing to help you and guide you until you make it on your own. I hope you know that the kind of happiness you’re looking for is not out of reach.
I hope you still remember what happiness looks like, what it feels like and what it means to you because life has a way of making you forget and life has a way of making you believe that you don’t deserve it. I hope you still have the courage to fight for that happiness and fight for that life. I hope you don’t make settling a habit just because it’s easier. I hope you don’t make pain a permanent friend just because it’s been with you for a while. I hope you understand that pain is there to make you grow instead of making you suffer.
I hope you know that you always have a choice.
I hope you don’t give up on your love story just because all your previous stories ended in heartbreak. I hope you still believe in the kind of love that softens your heart and makes you trust again. The kind of love that brings out the depths of your emotions, the beauty of your soul and the kindness of your heart. The kind of love that doesn’t remind you of everything that’s wrong with the world. I hope you find the kind of love that restores your faith in romance. The kind of love that stands by you and makes you feel at home.
And I hope you have the courage to leave the kind of love that poisons your heart. The kind of love that forces you to hide who you are or play games or question yourself. I hope you can still take your heart back from those who destroyed it.
I hope you know that you always have a choice.
But more than anything, I hope you never give up on yourself. Your dreams. Your happiness. Your ideas. Your feelings. Your voice. And I hope you know that they matter. Please don’t discount them. Please don’t forget them. Please don’t let your mistakes define you.
I hope you can forgive yourself. I hope you don’t forget your worth because of a few mistakes or a few people who couldn’t love you. I hope you read this and remember that you’re here to evolve. You’re here to learn. You’re not here to be perfect. You’re not here to do everything right.
I hope you know that you always have a choice.
And I hope that in the coldest of moments, you choose to show the world your warmth. And in the midst of all tragedies, you choose to show the world your faith.
And through it all, I hope you always choose yourself.
This is a guest post from Rania Naim.
1. Live authentically
2. Work ambitiously
3. Choose courage over comfort
4. Money makes me feel secure, not happy
5. Everyone thinks they’re right
6. Alcohol feels good at first and becomes a burden later
7. Worrying is praying for your worst nightmare
8. Material luxuries are best when limited
9. Keeping expectations low is a good strategy
10. It’s never right the first time
11. Everyone who is vulnerable is interesting
12. Most things distract you from realizing it’s easy
13. Trust what you want, not what you think you will work
14. Walks exude inspiration
15. Over time, I get better at everything and take it for granted
What is holding people back from the life that they truly want to live?
I’d say that one very common and destructive thing is that they think too much.
They overthink every little problem until it becomes bigger and scarier than it actually is. They overthink positive things until they don’t look so positive anymore.
Now, thinking things through can be a great thing of course. But being an overthinker can result in becoming someone who stands still in life. In becoming someone who self-sabotages the good things that happen in life.
I know. Because it dawns on me sometimes to overthink things a lot and it held me back in ways that weren’t fun at all.
Have done a lot of research and meditated on some points that have enabled me to control and overcome it.
In this article I’d like to share 12 habits that is helping me in a big, big way to become a simpler and smarter thinker and to live a happier and less fearful life.
1. Put things into a wider perspective.
It’s very easy to fall into the trap of overthinking minor things in life.
So when you are thinking and thinking about something ask yourself:
Will this matter in 5 years? Or even in 5 weeks?
I’ve found that widening the perspective by using this simple question can quickly snap me out of overthinking and help me to let go of that situation. And to focus my time and energy on something that actually does matter to me.
2. Set short time-limits for decisions.
If you do not have a time-limit for when you must make a decision and take action then you can just keep turning your thoughts around and around and view them from all angles in your mind for a very long time.
So learn to become better at making decisions and to spring into action by setting deadlines in your daily life. No matter if it’s a small or bigger decision.
Here’s what has worked for me:
For small decisions like if should go and do the dishes, respond to an email or work out I usually give myself 30 seconds or less to make a decision.
For somewhat larger decisions that would have taken me days or weeks to think through in the past I use a deadline for 30 minutes or for the end of the workday.
3. Stop setting your day up for stress and overthinking.
You can’t totally avoid overwhelming or very stressful days.
But you can minimize the number of them in your month and year by getting a good start to your day and by not setting yourself up for unnecessary stress, overthinking and suffering.
Three things that help me with that are:
Get a good start. I’ve mentioned this many times by now. And with good reason. Because how you start your day tends to often set the tone for your day. A stressed morning leads to stressed day. Consuming negative information as you ride the bus to your job tends to lead to more pessimistic thoughts during the rest of your day. While for example reading something uplifting over breakfast, getting some exercise and then getting started with your most important task right now sets a good tone for the day.
Single-task and take regular breaks. This will help you to keep a sharp focus during your day and to get what’s most important done while also allowing you to rest and recharge so you don’t start to run on fumes. And this somewhat relaxed mindset but with the narrow focus will help you to think clearly and decisively and avoid winding up in a stressed and overthinking headspace.
Minimize your daily input. Too much information, too many times of just taking a few minutes to check your inbox, Facebook or Twitter account leads to more input and clutter in your mind as your day progresses. And so it becomes harder to think in a simple and clear way and easier to lapse back into that familiar overthinking habit.
4. Become a person of action.
When you know how to get started with taking action consistently each day then you’ll procrastinate less by overthinking.
Setting deadlines and a good tone for the day are two things that have helped me to become much more of person of action.
Taking small steps forward and only focusing on getting one small step done at a time is another habit that have worked really well.
It works so well because you do not feel overwhelmed and so you do not want flee into procrastination. And even though you may be afraid, taking just a step is such a small thing that you do not get paralyzed in fear.
5. Realize that you cannot control everything.
Trying to think things through 50 times can be a way to try to control everything. To cover every eventuality so you don’t risk making a mistake, fail or looking like a fool.
But those things are a part of living a life where you truly stretch your comfort zone. Everyone who you may admire and have lived a life that inspires you has failed. They have made mistakes.
But in most cases they’ve also seen these things as valuable feedback to learn from. Those things that may look negative have taught them a lot and have been invaluable to help them to grow.
So stop trying to control everything. Trying to do so simply doesn’t work because no one can see all possible scenarios in advance.
This is of course easier said than done. So do it in small steps if you like.
6. Say stop in a situation where you know you cannot think straight.
Sometimes when I’m hungry or when I’m lying in bed and are about to go to sleep negative thoughts start buzzing around in my mind.
In the past they could do quite a bit of damage. Nowadays I’ve become good at catching them quickly and to say to myself:
No, no, we are not going to think about this now.
I know that when I’m hungry or sleepy then my mind sometimes tend to be vulnerable to not thinking clearly and to negativity.
So I follow up my “no, no…” phrase and I say to myself that I will think this situation or issue through when I know that my mind will work much better.
For example, after I’ve eaten something or in the morning after I have gotten my hours of sleep.
It took a bit of practice to get this to work but I’ve gotten pretty good at postponing thinking in this way. And I know from experience that when I revisit a situation with some level-headed thinking then in 80% of the cases the issue is very small to nonexistent.
And if there is a real issue then my mind is prepared to deal with it in much better and more constructive way.
7. Don’t get lost in vague fears.
Another trap I’ve fallen into many times that have spurred on overthinking is that I’ve gotten lost in vague fears about a situation in my life. And so my mind running wild has created disaster scenarios about what could happen if I do something.
So I’ve learned to ask myself: honestly, what is the worst that could happen?
And when I’ve figured out what the worst that could happen actually is then I can also spend a little time to think about what I can do if that often pretty unlikely thing happens.
I’ve found that the worst that could realistically happen is usually something that is not as scary as what my mind running wild with vague fear could produce.
Finding clarity in this way usually only takes a few minutes and bit of energy and it can save you a lot of time and suffering.
8. Work out.
This might sound a bit odd.
But working out can really help with letting go of inner tensions and worries.
It most often makes me feel more decisive and when I was more of an overthinker then it was often my go-to method of changing the headspace I was in to a more constructive one.
9. Get plenty of good quality sleep.
I think this is one of the most commonly neglected factors when it comes to keeping a positive mindset and not get lost in negative thought habits.
Because when you haven’t slept enough then you become more vulnerable.
Vulnerable to worrying and pessimism. To not thinking as clearly as you usually do. And to getting lost in thoughts going around and around in your mind as you overthink.
So let me share a couple of my favorite tips that help me to sleep better:
Keep it cool. It can feel nice at first to get into a warm bedroom. But I’ve found that I sleep better and more calmly with fewer scary or negative dreams if I keep the bedroom cool.
Keep the earplugs nearby. If you, like me, are easily awoken by noises then a pair simple earplugs can be a life-saver. These inexpensive items have helped me to get a good night’s sleep and sleep through snorers, noisy cats and other disturbances more times than I can remember.
Don’t try to force yourself to go to sleep. If you don’t feel sleepy then don’t get into bed and try to force yourself to go to sleep. That, at least in my experience, only leads to tossing and turning in my bed for an hour or more. A better solution in these situations is to wind down for an extra 20-30 minutes on the couch with, for example, some reading. This helps me to go to sleep faster and, in the end, get more sleep.
10. Spend more of your time in the present moment.
By being in the present moment in your everyday life rather than in the past or a possible future in your mind you can replace more and more of the time you usually spend on overthinking things with just being here right now instead.
Three ways that I often use to reconnect with the present moment are:
Slow down. Slow down how you do whatever you are doing right now. Move slower, talk slower or ride your bicycle more slowly for example. By doing so you become more aware of how you use your body and what is happening all around you right now.
Tell yourself: Now I am… I often tell myself this: Now I am X. And X could be brushing my teeth. Taking a walk in the woods. Or doing the dishes. This simple reminder helps my mind to stop wandering and brings my focus back to what is happening in this moment.
Disrupt and reconnect. If you feel you are getting lost in overthinking then disrupt that thought by – in your mind – shouting this to yourself : STOP! Then reconnect with the present moment by taking just 1-2 minutes to focus fully on what is going on around you. Take it all in with all your senses. Feel it, hear it, smell it, see it and sense it on your skin.
11. Spend more of your time with people who do not overthink things.
Your social environment plays a big part. And not just the people and groups close to you in real life. But also what you read, listen to and watch. The blogs, books, forums, movies, podcasts and music in your life.
So think about if there are any sources in your life – close by or further away – that encourages and tends create more overthinking in your mind. And think about what people or sources that has the opposite effect on you.
Find ways to spend more of your time and attention with the people and input that have a positive effect on your thinking and less on the influences that tends to strengthen your overthinking habit.
12. Be aware of the issue (and remind yourself throughout your day)
Being aware of your challenge is important to break the habit of overthinking.
But if you’re thinking that you’ll just remember to stop overthinking during your normal day then you’re likely just fooling yourself.
At least if you’re anything like me.
Because I needed help. It wasn’t hard to get it though. I just created a few reminders.
My main one was a note on the whiteboard I had on one of my walls at the time. It said “Keep things extremely simple”. Seeing this many times during my day helped me to snap out of overthinking faster and to over time greatly minimize this negative habit.
Two other kinds of reminders that you can use are:
A small written note. Simply use a post-it note or something similar and write down my whiteboard phrase, a question like “Am I overcomplicating this?” or some other reminder that appeals to you. Put that note where you cannot avoid seeing it like for example on your bedside table, your bathroom mirror or beside your computer screen.
A reminder on your smart phone. Write down one of the phrases above or one of your own choosing in a reminder app on your smart phone. I for example use my Android phone and the free app called Google Keep to do this.
Carlos Slim Helu (Brazil) is one of the world’s richest man in the world. He has some masterpiece advise for all of us.
*1.* Have a firm handshake.
*2.* Look people in the eye.
*3.* Sing in the shower.
*4.* Own a great stereo system. Music is life.
*5.* If in a fight, hit first and hit hard.
*6.* Don’t expect life to be fair.
*7.* Never give up on anybody. Miracles happen everyday.
*8.* Always accept an outstretched hand.
*9.* Be brave. Even if you’re not, pretend to be. No one can tell the difference.
*11.* Avoid sarcastic remarks.
*12.* Choose your life’s mate carefully. From this one decision will come 90 per cent of all your happiness or misery ABSOLUTELY!.
*13.* Make it a habit to do nice things for people who will never find out.
*14.* Lend only those books you never care to see again.
*15.* Never deprive someone of hope; it might be all that he has.
*16.* When playing games with children, let them win.
*17.* Give people a second chance, but NOT a third.
*18.* Be romantic.
*19.* Become the most positive and enthusiastic person you know.
*20.* Loosen up. Relax. Except for rare life-and-death matters, nothing is as important as it first seems.
*21.* Don’t allow the phone to interrupt important moments. It’s there for our convenience, not the caller’s.
*22.* Be a good loser.
*23.* Be a good winner.
*24.* Think twice before burdening a friend with a secret.
*25.* When someone hugs you, let him be the first to let go.
*26.* Be modest. A lot was accomplished before you were born.
*27.* Keep it simple at everytime.
*28.* Beware of the person who has nothing to lose.
*29.* Don’t burn bridges. You’ll be surprised how many times you have to cross the same river.
*30.* Live your life so that your epitaph could read, NO REGRETS.
*31.* Be bold and courageous. When you look back on life, you’ll regret the things you didn’t do more than the ones you did.
*32.* Never waste an opportunity to tell people you love them.
*33.* Remember no one makes it alone. Have a grateful heart and be quick to acknowledge those who helped and loved you.
*34.* Take charge of your attitude. Don’t let someone else choose it for you.
*35.* Visit friends and relatives when they are in hospital; you need only stay a few minutes.
*36.* Begin each day with some of your favourite prayer
*37.* Once in a while, take the scenic route.
*38.* Send a lot of greeting cards. Sign them, ‘Someone who thinks you’re terrific.’
*39.* Answer the phone with enthusiasm and energy in your voice.
*40.* Keep a note pad and pencil on your bed-side table. Million-dollar ideas sometimes strike at 3 a.m.
*41.* Show respect for everyone who works for a living, regardless of how trivial their job.
*42.* Send your loved ones flowers. Think of a reason later.
*43.* Make someone’s day by paying the toll for the person in the car behind you.
*44.* Become someone’s hero.
*45.* Marry only for love, it is key to your happiness if every other thing fails.
*46.* Count your blessings.
*47.* Compliment the meal when you’re a guest in someone’s home.
*48.* Wave at the children on a school bus/house/street/
*49.* Remember that 80 per cent of the success in any job is based on your ability to deal with PEOPLE. That is emotional intelligence.
*50.* Share this to help your friends.
*51.* Make sure someone says THANK-YOU to you every day….
We all know that nails can be used to attach building materials together to make a very strong and lasting structure. But, there are nails that do not bind together, do not make valuable structures, and are not easily removed once used.
Nails of A Different Type
The nails to which I refer are those that are used by many people either at home or in the work environment. Once these nails are driven in, they not only cannot be removed but they start to deteriorate and crumble that to which they are attached.
One of these types of individuals once worked with me in an environment that was dedicated to helping others control, change, or recover from a variety of both physical and psychological challenges. In this particular case, the person I mention here was a very good counselor. She had the specialized training and the experience that was needed and was able to assist many types of clients move forward from current conditions.
Unfortunately, she also had some of her own challenges to overcome. During the course of our work, there were several occasions that I was able to offer her several new opportunities to help her career develop. She gladly accepted these offers and proceeded to dive right into her new roles.
All Seemed Well
Several months went by and everything seemed to be going very smoothly. But, one late afternoon, I received a visit in my office from another colleague who came in and immediately shut my office door. He sat down heavily and asked if he could speak to me in confidence. I assured him that whatever he said to me would be kept confidentially between us. He then proceeded to tell me a detailed story about the other colleague that I had helped. He painted a picture of a person who, on the surface, seemed to be grateful for my assistance but, behind my back, used every opportunity to drive a nail into my character, and every decision that I made.
My reaction to these revelations was total dismay. I had never heard her complain to anyone, and certainly not to me. I had a really hard time understanding why someone would malign me without giving me a chance to respond, and it was even more astounding since part of her work involved helping others develop honest and forthright communication skills.
I must say this: after these revelations, I started to watch and listen much more carefully. I really didn’t want to believe just one person’s information, so as any normal human being would do, I began to investigate further. It wasn’t long before several others of my colleagues confirmed the same information, which I had hoped I really wouldn’t find.
A Sad Story
The sad part of this story is that the individual in question, continued in the same behavior. Her character was being eroded constantly by her own actions, actions that put nails through the character of others. These types of actions are very difficult to retract once done. After all, we are all only human and each of us has feelings. It is especially difficult to see beyond this kind of character assassination when one has gone out of their way to help them.
For each negative action we take, it has lasting effects that may be totally impossible to erase even if we could retract those actions. We are all responsible and
accountable for what we do or say even if those behaviors occur in stressful times.
A sick person in a hospital bed was visited by relatives.
The patient was on an oxygen MACHINE and therefore couldn’t speak.
As they stood beside the bed, the patient took a pen and a piece of paper and wrote a note which he gave to one of the relatives who put it in his shirt pocket without reading and they continued with their conversation.
After a few minutes, the patient died.
The relative later picked the note from his pocket to know what the dead man had written.
And guess what❗
Sadly the note read….
“Please move away from there, you have stepped on the oxygen pipe. I can’t breathe again , you are killing me”.
Do you postpone reading posts❓
Or do you ignore picking calls because you are already close to the caller❓
They might be helpful to you or to somebody particularly at a most critical time.
Please pick your calls, read that note.
⚠ NEVER POSTPONE ANYTHING.❗
What is your take on this, was he killed or it was his time?
How long should we keep ignoring people even those in such condition that can’t communicate?
*Do have a wonderful day head*