Video Game Addiction: Can an Addiction Have a Positive Side?

Hey guys!

Been a while I posted on this platform. Am happy to be back and consistent. A quick question for you guys today..

What do you think about the topic today?

Video games are dangerous to your mental health and will make you become an addict. Do you believe that? Of course, we hear this repeated time and time again about videogame addiction, and it’s even gotten into a manual of psychiatric disorders, but should it be there?

Repeatedly saying video gaming is an addiction, doesn’t make it so. There are several contradictions that we must consider about video games and addictions.

If video gaming is an addiction, there is a huge number of people with it because “The…number of video gamers worldwide in 2018, broken down by region, (indicates)…there were over 1.23 billion gamers in Asia Pacific in 2018, with the region generating $71.4 billion of revenue in the same year.”

There were over 1.23 billion gamers Asia Pacific in 2018 raised the estimate. “There are approximately 2.2 billion gamers in the world. Out of the estimated 7.6 billion people living on earth, as of July 2018, that means almost a third of people on this planet are gamers.” Video gaming is a big business and enjoyed worldwide.

Addictions and playing video games, according to a significant review of the research, are not the same. Yes, there are certain things which they both share.

One thing they both share is that they stimulate a person to want to engage in the activity because it is pleasurable. Regarding the games, who doesn’t want to win and show that they can compete effectively with people all over the world?

Millions of gamers are playing each other throughout the day and the night. The internet is abuzz with their efforts to win points, raise to higher levels, or open secret doors. Wouldn’t you want that?

It doesn’t matter what your age is, because video games can be very pleasurable activities, especially in a profoundly troubling world. The escape aspect is part of the notion that the games are addictive.

Video gaming’s positive effects

Not all video games are based on violence and destruction, and it is here that we must make a distinction. Games can be exciting and require skills in anticipating goals and planning how to reach those goals. They can also include design elements when there are pieces that must fit into geometric patterns.

Games can also encourage cooperative behavior toward other players. Altruism has been found in some of the research that has been reviewed over the years. When playing games that promote positive response with others, there is a halo effect that carries on after the game.

Games can also engage children and adults in developing finer hand-eye coordination and the use of a controller. Vision also benefits because many of the games require a high degree of visual alertness. Surveying the landscape in the game leads to more acute visual perception, as studies have shown.

Gameplaying also involves repeated actions that will strengthen brain cell connections. What does this mean in plain English? Memory and learning are enhanced as a result of these actions.

Reaction time is enhanced. Gameplaying requires real-time action that activates areas of the brain controlling sensory movement. In other words, you learn to react physically in a faster manner to make a response to the game.

Video games effect on the brain

There is an actual physical change in the brain after game playing. If we could weigh the brains of gamers, we would be able to quantify how the games added some additional brain weight. And brain weight can equal added abilities, increased memory and warding off late-life cognitive decline.

A study of frequent game players showed that certain part of the brain involved in decision-making are most affected, and that makes sense. You are making rapid decisions during the game, and that’s what you may have to do in your daily life, so game playing is preparation.

Games require logical thinking and help in decision-making not only while playing the game but afterward. This is called “sticky ” learning that will last and be utilized in other actions in the future. Gameplaying, including any game that involves firing a weapon, can enhance cognitive control and planning.

Gameplaying involves the brain releasing the “happiness hormone,” dopamine, which is involved in receiving a reward. It is this reward that is involved in gamers’ wanting to continue gameplaying, and that’s where some have indicated it is an addiction.

Rewards are not necessarily addictions, however. Do students become addicted to attending school if they’re getting good grades? Some might, but the majority don’t skip off to school each morning.

The educational component

Not all video games are based on violence and destruction. And it is here that we must make a distinction. Games can be exciting and educational and require skills in anticipating goals and planning how to reach those goals.

Memory skills can be improved if the game is developed in that direction.

The game can be whatever the coder wants it to be. Herein lies the educational challenge. If kids love video games, there’s the educator’s entre to helping them learn and develop that stickiness that is so important.

Are video games dangerous? Some might be for a select group of gamers. Are they addictive? Yes, but it can be a positive form of “addiction” that will encourage mental development.

A wise man once told me that we learn a lot from different things. Things that society or our parents see as distractions.

Yes!

You can get motivated by playing video games or even watching movies. It depends on how you analyse what you visualise and make good use of the result.

Source: Dr. Patricia Farrell

9 Common Stereotypes When It Comes To Your Lazy, Unproductive Days

This is a guest post.

1. You’re allowed to relax. You don’t want to make a habit out of slacking — but you don’t want to turn into a massive workaholic either. You’re allowed to relax every once in a while. You’re allowed to enjoy yourself. You’re allowed to have a life outside of your career.

2. Stress is dangerous. You don’t want to push yourself to the brink of exhaustion. You don’t want to pile on responsibilities until you’re crushed by your own stress. You have to take care of yourself. You can’t keep pushing your mental health aside in order to focus on your workload. Your mind matters. If you push yourself too far, you won’t get anything done.

3. Productivity doesn’t always mean what you think it means. You might think you’re being unproductive on weekends when you don’t leave the house, but that might not be entirely true. Texting your friends to check in on them is productive. Catching up on reading is productive. Giving yourself a break from your stress, so you don’t end up having a complete meltdown, is productive.

4. You’re not worthless for lounging around all day. How much you accomplish each day doesn’t correlate to your value. It doesn’t make you a better or worse person. You have to stop placing so much emphasis on success. Happiness matters more.

5. It’s okay to say no. You can’t please everyone. You can’t put a million different things on your plate at once. If you aren’t able to help someone with a favor or work extra hours to impress your boss, that’s okay. You’re allowed to say no.

6. You still have plenty of time to reach your goals. You might feel like you’re getting old, like time is running out, like you should have reached your goals by now. But you can’t rush success. You can’t let yourself become too impatient. You still have plenty of time to reach all your goals, plenty of time to make yourself proud.

7. You deserve a reward. Maybe today is going to be a lazy day — but you deserve a lazy day. Think about how hectic yesterday was. Think about how much work you got done last week. Think of how much you’ve accomplished over the course of this year. Don’t you deserve a day off? You’ve done more than you give yourself credit for, more than enough to earn a little me time.

8. You are meant to do more than work, eat, and sleep. You’re meant to have fun. You’re meant to travel, to make friends, to pick up new hobbies, to watch new movies, to explore this universe. Work isn’t supposed to be your entire life. It’s only supposed to be a part of your life.

9. You’re not a machine. You’re human. Not every single day is going to be a productive day. There are times when you’re going to have to let yourself relax and recharge. Otherwise, you’re going to self-destruct. So do yourself a favor and stop blaming yourself for being lazy. Let yourself enjoy it. At least for a little while.

Special thanks to Holly Riordan.

Why Is Everyone Talking About Success Will Come Slowly?

Why because?

Sometimes, you won’t get the credit you feel like you deserve. Sometimes, you’re going to feel like all the hard work you’ve been putting into a project has been a waste because nobody has been around to pat you on the back or remind you what a good job you’ve been doing.

But you don’t need validation from anyone else in order to feel proud of yourself. Stop waiting around for other people to realize your value and start rewarding yourself. When you accomplish one of your goals, reward yourself with a bottle of wine or freshly baked cookies or your favorite latte from Starbucks. Make sure that, even if the rest of the world can’t see what a good job you’ve been doing, you recognize it yourself.

Sometimes, you’re not going to get the reaction you were hoping for from your friends, family, coworkers, and kids you used to know in high school. Sometimes, you’re not going to impress the people you’ve been hoping to impress. Sometimes, you’re going to live through your successes quietly. That’s why you shouldn’t do anything for the sake of fitting in or looking cool. You should be doing things because they’re what you want to do, because they make you happy, because you can’t imagine having more fun doing anything else.

Sometimes, you’re not going to see all of your hard work pay off in a short amount of time. Sometimes, you’re going to have to wait. Sometimes, you’re going to have to stay patient. Some successes take longer than others. You’re not always going to see results overnight. Sometimes, you’re going to have to wait years for your effort to pay off — and that whole time, you’re going to have to keep faith in yourself. You’re going to have to hold onto the hope that you can do this, that you’re going to reach your destination eventually.

Sometimes, you’re to experience jealousy. You’re going to wonder why your friends are so much further ahead in their careers and relationships than you. You’re going to wonder why your bosses give more credit to other workers than you. You’re going to wonder why you haven’t reached your goals yet when other people who have been trying for shorter lengths of time are already ahead of you.

But you can never allow your jealousy to turn into mean-spiritedness. You have to stop thinking of others as your competitors and start thinking of them as your inspirations. You have to be happy for them. You have to remember that their successes are not your failures. Your journey has nothing to do with their journey.

Sometimes, your confidence is going to crash. Sometimes, you’re going to doubt your own abilities. Sometimes, you’re going to flirt with the idea of giving up. But you can never allow yourself to quit on the things that mean the most to you. You have to stay passionate, stay motivated, stay inspired, stay strong. You have to remind yourself you can do this.

True Motivational Story: Emilia Clarke – 3 Surgeries, The Pain And Shooting Game of Thrones

Emilia Clarke has such a truly motivational story. Emilia Clarke Recovery Story. It was a real pain but now it a motivation for many. She couldn’t remember her own name.

Emilia Clarke | A recovery story

Emilia Clarke had to film the second season of Game of Thrones. Brain surgery was not part of the plan. She was at the gym when she felt like an elastic band was squeezing her brain. She crawled to the bathroom and sank to her knees in front of the toilet.

She was trying to recall her lines form Game of Thrones when a woman found her lying on the floor.

Emilia Clarke had suffered a life-threatening brain aneurysm. The process was a real pain and the recovery was worse. After three-hour brain surgery, doctors told her she might not make it through the two weeks. A nurse asked her for her name. She wasn’t able to answer.

I wanted to pull the plug. I asked the medical staff to let me die. My job-my entire dream of what my life would be centered on language, on communication without that, I was lost.

The memory loss was temporary. But her recovery was slow and the fear only amplified.

A month later, she was back on set powering through scenes.

I told my bosses at “thrones about my condition, but I didn’t want it to be a subject of public discussion and direction. The show must go on!

She sipped on morphine between press interviews and hid her fatigue behind makeup.

She sipped on morphine between press interviews and hid her fatigue behind makeup.

On set, I didn’t miss a beat, but I struggled. Season 2 would be my worst. I didn’t know what Daenerys was doing. If I am truly being honest, every minute of every day I thought I was going to die.

Emilia Clarke didn’t complain, even when the pain was so strong she couldn’t drown it with drugs.

I was raised never to say, “It’s not fair”; I was taught to remember that there is always someone who is worse off than you.

In 2013, a routine brain scan showed Emilia needed a second surgery. She needed to undergo one more surgery to fully recover from the pain. She was promised a simple procedure. She woke up screaming in pain. The surgery had failed, and she had massive internal bleeding. She needed a third operation immediately.

Doctors drilled through her skull to save her life. A few weeks later, hiding scars with her hair, Emilia Clarke faced thousand of enthusiastic fans at Comic-Con.

She was hit by an excruciating headache.

Back came that sickeningly familiar sense of fear. I thought this is it. My time is up; I’ve cheated death twice and now he’s coming to claim me.

As she stepped off stage, an MTV reporter was waiting for her.

I figured if I’m going to go, it might as well be on live television.

But she didn’t go. She played Khaleesi for the third season, and the fourth, and the fifth…

As her character grew stronger and fiercer, Emilia Clarke learned to surrender to the unknown. She faced her fear head on instead of avoiding it.

And when the eighth and final season came around, she was still alive.

But there was one last thing Emilia Clarke needed to do to truly heal. After keeping quiet for nearly a decade, she opened up about her experience for the first time.

Emilia Clarke after her recovery now throws herself into charity work with the same dedication that turned her into a fan-favorite.

She wants to give others the chance to afford the treatments she was lucky to receive.

There is something gratifying, and beyond lucky, about coming to the end of ‘Thrones’, I’m so happy to be here to see the end of this story and beginning of whatever comes next

It is not easy to fight your way through life. Who will ever imagine she went through all this pains during the shoot of Game of Thrones. Her character in the series never for once showed any sign of illness as she toughened herself through the storm to get things done. If she didn’t believe in herself and others rooting for her through inspiration, it would be another story now. But in all she fought, shw conquered.

What is your story?

Image Credit: Pinterest

Despite What People Say, Your Reputation Is Just As Important As Your Character

Hey guys!

As I was surfing the internet as always for inspiration, I stumbled on this piece that will blow your minds out. At first when I was reading through, it was as if everything was all about me. Am sure reading through also can relate to you too.

Conventional wisdom tells us that your character should matter more than your reputation. After all, one is who you really are, while the other is just what other people perceive you to be.

While there’s certainly virtue in knowing that no misperception of you can really impact the truth of who you are, it is a false notion to think that we don’t have to care what other people think about us.

However, we hear the opposite as a rally-cry all the time.

It doesn’t matter what other people think!

Except it does, because everything you want in life involves other people.

Now, small-minded people who are intent on disliking you for their own prejudiced reasons are not what we’re talking about. No, we’re not even talking about the people who dislike you for legitimate reasons.

Your reputation does matter as much as your character because the way people perceive you is who they imagine you to be, and who they imagine you to be determines how they will interact with you, what they offer you, whether or not they want to work with you, and whether or not they show up for you.

You cannot behave like a social pariah and then just fall back on the idea that it “doesn’t matter what other people think” because you’re a good person at heart.

All that goodness will be for nothing if you aren’t actively considering the opinions of others. No, not so they can weigh you down and stop you from pursuing your goals, but because when other people have a consensus about you, you’re typically the common denominator.

It matters what the people in your close circle think.

It matters what your partner thinks.

It matters what the people you love think.

If everyone in your life thinks you’re making a mistake, you might really need to take a moment to consider whether or not you might be. If everyone in your life is warning you about your new partner, you might need to take a moment to consider if perhaps they have a point. If everyone in your life seems to have the same problems with you, for the same reasons, in the same patterns, at the same frequencies, you might really need to take a moment and determine whether or not the world is just crazy and out to get you or if, perhaps, there’s also a pattern in your behaviour.

It’s easy to not care what other people think.

It’s convenient, actually.

It totally lets us off the hook, it allows us to validate our own motives and desires without any real consideration for those around us.

The work is not that we completely neglect our own needs and opinions in favour of other people’s.

The work is that we both advocate for and tend to our own needs, honour our own opinions, and still remain cognizant of how people are responding to us.

If you want to get anywhere in life, you have to be a reasonably likable person, or at the bare minimum, not impossible to work with, difficult to connect with, or challenging to love.

And to do that, we have to think about what other people are thinking. Not so their opinions of us can become our own, but so that their opinions of us can inform our own.

In all, I appreciate one of my mentors and excellent writer Brianna Weist for always coming through whenever I need a push in my life. Her piece of work is very deep and encouraging. Also it’s a privilege to always acknowledge your work on my page.

What I Wish Everyone Knew About  The Reasons Why Being An Introvert Is Your Best Asset.

I have heard it, too.
“You are so shy!”
“You’re like church mouse over there!”
“Oh… you wouldn’t like it… you have to talk and meet new people.”

Here is the thing – we are living in a society in which extroversion is glorified. It seems as if all those who are successful and have it made are the ones who easily and effortlessly put themselves out there and make themselves heard. While there are those great attributes of those who are extroverted, introverts have some great characteristics tied to their quiet, poised nature. This quality is one to be proud of – even celebrated. In fact, here are 6 reasons why being an introvert might just be your best asset!

1. You’re calm nature is inviting to people

Whether you realize it or not, this does not go unnoticed. Being the one who “takes it all in” in an upbeat environment is very calming. This invites people toward you, and subliminally they remember it about you as well.

2. Less talking = more observing

It seems to be so simple, yet it is so valuable. Speaking less gives your mind the ability to take in and process what is around you. Taking note of little details someone else might have missed. Being more present with someone, living in the now – it’s incredible just how much someone can miss by being lost in their mind and thinking about what to say next – instead of just being.

“Silence is a source of great strength.” – Lao Tzu

3. You get to know yourself more

This (and I cannot stress this enough) is important. Self-awareness is the key to serving yourself, giving your body/mind/soul what it needs. Spending more time with your thoughts – really thinking and understanding what you are perceiving will benefit you. It takes time to know yourself to a high extent. It is something to be proud of, because not everyone can say they truly know who they are.

4. You know how to listen

Hearing someone is one thing; listening to them is another. Active listening is proper, fully engaged and observant listening to not just the words they say but the way they say it, their body language, it all ties into true active listening. The whole reason someone might be talking to you is to get an idea or feeling across, but so much can be missed just by needing to get a word in. Introverts have the active listening trait in the bag – which is likely the reason so many of us are the people our friends and family vent to when they just need to be heard.

5. You can be independent

Value your independence, introvert! For many of us, working alone was never a negative thing. From a young age in the beginning of grade school when the teacher would say, “work independently or with a partner” I happily went right on my way to completing the work all alone. It is from that start that we are able to train our “independence muscle” that so many people lack. Now, as a 22-year-old working girl, I can handle large projects by breaking them into pieces, working them out and then presenting it to my team. I am observant and insightful when learning new things. Another thing to be proud – not many can say the same.

6. It is attractive

Being an introvert, most of us will seldom boast about our accomplishments. That modesty is such an attractive quality, but it is often brushed under the rug. This modesty is likely why many us us thrive in human services fields – working for a cause, not an applause. But think about how often you hear someone going on and on about what they have done, what they are doing and what they are going to do next. While it is great to celebrate those achievements, keeping some things on the down low is such an appealing trait to have.

Rejoice introverts! Your nature is something to be proud of, and it is just how we are wired. Of all the successful introverts in the world (i.e. Albert Einstein, Rosa Parks, Bill Gates) YOU are one of them. Embrace these qualities and accept them whole-heatedly .

Your introversion benefits you in more ways than you would think.

I will like to know what you think about this topic today. Drop your comments.

I want to appreciate Rachel Snodgrass as a guest on this piece from daily positive.

According To His Marvelous Word: Answer To Everything.

Before I dive through the post for the day, I want to congratulate everyone for witnessing the new month of June. It’s already half of the year guys. We are slowly getting to our place of growth and enlarging our coast. Happy New Month!

So, giving and serving others are the ways we release the blessings of God in our lives. And if you haven’t learned to be a radical, generous giver, you are missing out on one of the best things in your life!

I know from experience that you’ll never be happier than when you’re helping someone else…when you’re doing something to help make someone else’s life better.

The best attitude we can have with giving is, Lord, I’m doing this for You because I love You. You gave to me, now I want to give my life to You! When this is the motive of your heart, then you can stand on Philippians 4:19, knowing He will meet your every need.

Trust God to meet every need in your life today. He wants to be your Healer, Comforter, Wisdom, Peace, Joy—anything and everything you need. Abide in His grace, forgiveness, mercy and strength…and be confident that He is the Lord your Provider!

Enjoy your Life!

Life happens so fast these days. We are always on the move; we are always changing or working toward something new. The next big thing is always almost here or about to happen. We are so focused on getting where we want to be that we forget where we came from and we forget where we are in that moment. Most people would tell you that they are not happy with where they currently are. Why is this?

The world has always tried to sell this statement to the people within it: “Happiness is right around the corner.”

The truth is that happiness is not around the corner, the next thing to be excited about is what you are being sold. Happiness is temporary and based on your circumstances. Your circumstances change daily. This has become more and more troubling to me as we live in an increasingly unhappy world. The problem is not the world itself; the problem is that the people who follow Jesus are following this suite of unhappiness. We are called to be in the world, not part of it. (John 15:19)

More people would want to know Jesus and be saved if they saw genuine joy in the lives of those that call themselves believers. We are called to be different than the world. Even during difficult times in life, we are still called to be full of joy. James 1:2-3 says, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.”

1 Kings 4:29-34 speaks of how wise King Solomon was. Leaders from all around the world came to seek counsel from him. 1 Kings 4:29 says, “God gave Solomon wisdom and very great insight, and a breadth of understanding as measureless as the sand on the seashore.” Solomon says something that really sticks out to me in Ecclesiastes 3:12 “I perceived that there is nothing better for people than to be joyful and to do good as long as they live.”

In Solomon’s unmeasurable wisdom from God, he says that there is nothing better for people than to be joyful and to do good as long as they live. It seems so simple when you read it, but why aren’t we living it out?

Whatever it is that you are currently doing, stop for a minute! Refocus. Remember to enjoy your life! Your life is a gift from God. We were not created to be unhappy and unfulfilled in this life. God ultimately created us so that He could watch His creation do good works and be full of joy in the process. God created us to watch us be happy. Colossians 3:17 says, whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

Have you ever thought of it that way before? God created you so He could enjoy you and for you to enjoy Him through your joyfulness in life. Today, give thanks in all things; be joyful on the journey of your life no matter what season you are in. Let God look down at His creation and see you enjoying what He has given you. Start enjoying your life today!

Source: BY

Being ‘Normal’ is Costing You More Than You Think

If you’ve settled for a normal life, you’re missing out on being something more. For the sake of ‘being normal’ you’re missing out on extraordinary living

Normal is defined as conforming to a standard. To being usual, typical, or doing what is expected of you. Some synonyms for ‘normal’ are common, ordinary, customary, conventional, habitual, fixed, or traditional.

Is being normal a good or bad thing?

Based on the definition, being normal sounds good, right? If you follow the norms, you will never face questioning or be in trouble. You would fit right in, and everyone in your circle would love and admire you. It sounds like quite the cushy, comfortable life we all hope for. Yet, when you take a closer look, you will see just how dangerous ‘being normal’ can turn out for you.

Some examples of traditions/norms can include believing the teachings from childhood and never questioning it. Believing cultural/traditional rituals without ever questioning any of it. Believing that you can only reach so high, earn so much, marry a particular type of person, believe a certain way… etc.

As a guideline, if it is anything that you feel ‘forced’ or coerced into doing, or you do it out of fear, then you may be operating out of an established norm/tradition. The motives behind why you are doing what you do are seriously important.

The traditions of man or culture,, may create life limitations. Each society has its own culture, its own acceptable ways of living and of life. You can be ostracized and criticized if you go against the cultural norms of society.

A ‘normal’ life means that I have accepted the norms of my people and the limitations they impose on me.

The danger lies therein, because once we accept something as ‘normal’ we limit our ability to receive beyond that. ‘Normal,’ creates boundaries and stifles creativity, it discourages the unlimited life that God has for us. The way you see yourself, is what matters most.

You can’t change society or cultural norms, but you can choose your beliefs and change yourself.

God has a life without limits for you. Every time a limitation arises, as a stronghold, take it into your secret place with God. Meditate on His love for you, and on His word, and you will see the boundaries of those limitations removed.

With Christ in you, there are NO LIMITATIONS on what He can do, and what He wants to do in your life and through you.

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. – Romans 12:2

Stop imitating the ideals and opinions of the culture around you. Allow the Holy Spirit to inwardly transform you through a total reformation of how you think. This will empower you to discern God’s will as you live a beautiful life, satisfying and perfect in his eyes.

Guest post from:

How to Avoid Toxic Venting

This is a sponsored post.

Hello guys, been a while, trust you all doing well and staying safe. This too will pass very soon.Venting can be a healthy way to express frustration, but when it becomes toxic, it creates a cycle of negativity that’s hard to repair. Though it feels good to vent in the moment, toxic venting creates significant anger and resentment that is unhealthy for you and your relationships.

On the other hand, healthy venting helps you to heal and move forward. By reasoning things out with someone else, you gain clarity on what’s happening. Confiding in someone often lessens the pain because you feel supported. You avoid getting stuck in all that negativity.

What is Toxic Venting?

Toxic venting feels like an attack on someone’s character. Whether you are the one venting, or you’re listening to someone else do it, this communication makes the other person out to be “the bad guy.” This type of bad-mouthing becomes an intense form of gossip.

With toxic venting, the person gets fixated on the other person’s faults. There is no rationale, only targeted rage. Instead of feeling momentarily upset, the venting mimics contempt, which according to The Gottman Institute for Couples Therapy is the single best predictor of divorce.

Examples of contempt include:

  • Name-calling, put downs or criticisms that hit below the belt
  • Acting like the other person “is beneath you”, lazy or stupid
  • Making comparisons to another person or implying they don’t deserve you
  • A lack of accountability for your part in the situation

But toxic venting isn’t just about complaining. It’s telling the same story repeatedly from a victim’s point of view. This behavior fuels gossip and resentment which can make them difficult to give up. Unfortunately, some people feed off of a juicy story!

Those who learn this type of behavior as children, may rely on it a way to get attention. Listening to family tell negative stories makes an impact on how we view conflict. These negative stories become almost entertaining, but unfortunately, at someone else’s expense.

Primary Examples of Toxic Venting

  • Repeatedly criticizing someone’s character but rarely acknowledging their good qualities
  • Complaining about what others do but never admitting your own behavior
  • Implying that someone is less than, stupid or worthless in any way

Each time the person re-tells the negative story, the emotional intensity makes it harder to forgive and move forward. Over time, this can impact physical health and create stress-related illnesses.

Living in the negative story feels draining even though temporarily it gives us energy. Over time, people who are emotionally healthy become repelled by the behavior. Some may distance themselves as a way to avoid having to listen to it.

What is Healthy Venting?

When venting is healthy, the boundaries are clear; you are expressing frustration to get support and seek solutions. It’s not a free-for-all to say whatever you are thinking out loud. There are firm limits that don’t get crossed.

Healthy venting acknowledges frustration while not getting stuck in the feelings. When the person vents in a healthy way, their focus is to get relief, not to be right. The person can communicate what’s upsetting without blame or condemning the other person. While this may include some complaining, it’s not the primary focus. Healthy venting addresses what’s not working while brain storming solutions.

Tips for Healthy Venting

  • Reaching out to trusted friends to reason things out
  • Expressing yourself through “I” statements which keeps the focus on feelings
  • Acknowledging anger and other emotions without getting into character attacks
  • Writing in a journal to express yourself without being censored

Final Thoughts

When done constructively, healthy venting helps you recognize what needs to change in order to seek solutions. Making an effort to see things from the other person’s point of view tranforms the story. For instance, instead of getting increasingly upset, you start to empathize with the other person. You can hold two different points of view rather than being right.

Healthy venting provides a sense of emotional release and connection because you feel heard. Acknowledging your upset in a healthy way makes it possible to resolve issues without damaging the relationship. That way, everyone wins!

Source: Michelle Farris

Your Life Becomes The Sum Of What You Tolerate

In an ideal world, life would amount to the sum of our intentions.

Good things would happen to good people; we’d be measured by our heart and depth and character.

While this is true to some degree — life is undoubtedly kinder toward those who are kind to it — the truth is that your intentions don’t amount to your outcomes. Just wanting something badly enough does not qualify you to have it, simply believing that you’re capable of more does not mean you will actually achieve more.

In the end, your life amounts to the sum of what you tolerate.

It is defined by what you allow.

You are treated as well as you allow other people to treat you. When you set boundaries or cut off contact with those who do not meet those expectations, you are setting the standard for relationships in your life.

You achieve as much as you allow yourself to pursue. You create as often as you are willing to show up, and to begin.

You grow as much as you allow yourself to feel uncomfortable. We often think that it is discomfort that holds us back from becoming who we want to be, when in fact, that feeling, once truly acknowledged, will point us in the direction that we need to create change.

If you are willing to tolerate mistreatment, you will be mistreated.

If you are willing to tolerate unhappiness, you will remain unhappy.

If you are willing to tolerate dissatisfaction, you will remain dissatisfied.

Your life only truly becomes your own on the day that you decide you will not — for another second of your existence — tolerate less than you know you are capable of having, doing less than you are capable of doing, and being less than you are capable of being.

The truth is that nobody else is going to give this to you.

Nobody is going to wake you up to this fact.

Nobody is going to sit you down and give you a power point presentation about your worth and potential, and nobody is going to strategize a way to make it a reality.

The only way it is going to happen is if you decide you are no longer going to be okay with excuses, empty words or broken dreams. It is only going to happen if you decide that you will no longer tolerate anything less than the outcomes you want, and the life you dream of.

Your life becomes the sum of what you tolerate, so stop tolerating less than you desire.

Guest post from Brianna Weist

Why Rejection Doesn’t Scare Me Anymore

The word ‘rejection’ terrifies this generation because we assume it means that we failed or we’re not good enough. We assume it means that we can’t win the game or get what we want. We assume that it makes us look weak, bad and inadequate.

But the essence of life is change and adapting to the things we can’t control including the things that rejected us and the things we couldn’t get. It’s not a direct reflection of our own shortcomings but it’s just a natural part of life and it happens to everyone. And I mean EVERYONE.

But we never look at the other side of rejection, at the possibility that maybe we wanted something that wasn’t going to be right for us or we wanted someone who wasn’t going to treat us right. We never try to understand what rejection is trying to tell us. It’s trying to tell us that we’re knocking on the wrong door. We’re going the wrong way. We’re trying so hard for something that could cause us so much pain.

I always look back at the times I was rejected from something and how it always led me to something better. I look back at the times I thought someone was great or irreplaceable only to discover that they were not genuine or kind. Sometimes we don’t see the obvious truth because we’re fixated on the word ‘rejection’ and how we can literally do anything to avoid it, even if it means destroying ourselves and forgetting our worth. I eventually found something better and wondered why I can’t learn to embrace rejection and take it as an opportunity to grow.

You might not get the things you want but you will get the things you need. You might not get the person you love but you will end up with the person who adores you and shows you a different kind of love.

Why can’t we see the blessings in rejection? Why are we only looking for the instant gratification of the word ‘yes?’ Given that many times ‘yes’ broke our hearts too and left us with nothing.

We contradict ourselves because we keep saying that if something is meant for us, it will find us, yet we can’t seem to shake rejection off, we can’t stop it from crippling us when it comes to taking risks and loving ourselves.

Rejection is also fate telling us that some things are not meant for us and if they were, we wouldn’t have been rejected. Rejection is another word for redirection.

Rejection sucks by all means and no one likes the bitter taste of the word ‘no’ but it’s also preparing us for something bigger than what we wanted for ourselves. It teaches us that God’s plan will always be better than ours and sometimes that’s all the faith we need to get over the fear of rejection and actually learn how to embrace it.

Guest post from Rania Naim.
Originally posted on Thoughts Catalog.

Photo credit: Pinterest

7 Basics For Getting Your Life in Shape: Bruce Lee

If you haven’t been living under a rock for the last 30 years I’m pretty sure you know who Bruce Lee was. 😊

If you have, then you may be interested to know that Lee was a very famous martial artist and actor who sparked the first big interest of Chinese martial arts in the West in the 60’s and 70’s.

But besides being an awesome fighter and iconic figure Lee also had some very useful things to say about life.

Here are 7 of my favourite fundamentals from Bruce Lee.

1. What are you really thinking about today?

“As you think, so shall you become.”

Perhaps the most basic statement of how we work. Think about what you are thinking today. What do those thoughts say about you? About your life? And how well do they really match your plans for your life and your image of yourself?

It’s easy to forget about this simple statement in everyday life. It’s easy to be quite incongruent with what you think on an ordinary day compared to how you view yourself and your goals.

A simple external reminder such as a post-it with this quote can be helpful to keep you and your thoughts on the right track.

An brilliant and beautiful expansion on this thought can be found in James Allen’s “As a man thinketh”.

2. Simplify.

“It’s not the daily increase but daily decrease. Hack away at the unessential.”

“If you spend too much time thinking about a thing, you’ll never get it done.”

If you want to improve your life then it’s tempting to want to add more. One problem with this may be that you don’t really have the time or energy to do more though. And so your efforts to improve become short-lived.

Adding more and more just creates more stress, worries and anxiety. Removing clutter and activities, tasks and thoughts that are not so important frees up time and energy for you to do more of what you really want to do. And as the clutter in your outer world decreases the clutter in your inner world also has a tendency to decrease.

This has the added benefit of making it easier to actually enjoy whatever you are doing even more while you are doing it.

Adding more thoughts and thinking things over for the 111th time may create a sense of security. It’s also a good way to procrastinate and to avoid taking that leap you know you should take. And the more you think, the harder it gets to act. Perhaps because you want to keep that comforting sense of security and avoid the risk of wrecking that feeling.

Thinking has its place. It can help you plan a somewhat realistic route to your goal and help you avoid future pitfalls. Overthinking is however just a habit that will help you waste a lot of time. It’s more useful to replace that habit with the habit of just doing it.

3. Learn about yourself in interactions.

“To know oneself is to study oneself in action with another person.”

The one person that is the hardest to get to really know may be yourself. Studying yourself while you are alone may result in some insights. But it’s also likely to produce a lot of made up thought loops and doubts in your mind.

A good way to really learn more about yourself is study yourself in interactions with other people. How people react and act in these interaction can over time teach you a lot. And what you think and how you react can perhaps teach you even more.

What you see, feel and hear in other people may be a reflection of you. The things you learn by thinking this way may not always be pleasant, but they can be enlightening. They help you to see yourself and also how you may be fooling yourself.

And these powerful insights can be very valuable for your personal growth. So, in interactions with others, try asking yourself: what is reflected?

4. Do not divide.

“Take no thought of who is right or wrong or who is better than. Be not for or against.”

This is a very useful and powerful thought. It is also one that obviously is hard to live by. Why? I believe it’s because the ego loves to divide and find ways to “add more”� to itself. It want’s to feel better than someone else. Or more clever. Or prettier. Or cooler. Or wiser.

How can you overcome this way of thinking and feeling?

To me it seems to boil down to not identifying so much with your thoughts or feelings. That doesn’t mean that you stop thinking or feeling. It just means that you realize – and remember in your everyday life – that the thoughts and emotions are just things flowing through you.

You are not them though.

You are the consciousness observing them.

When you realize and remember this it enables you to control the thoughts and feelings instead of the other way around. It also enables you to not take your thoughts too seriously and actually laugh at them or ignore them when you feel that your ego is acting out. When you are not being so identified these things you become more inclined to include things, thoughts and people instead of excluding them.

This creates a lot of inner and outer freedom and stillness. Instead of fear, a need to divide your world and a search for conflicts.

To learn more about this I would recommend Eckhart Tolle’s books like “The Power of Now” and “A New Earth”.

5. Avoid a dependency on validation from others.

“I’m not in this world to live up to your expectations and you’re not in this world to live up to mine.”

“Showing off is the fool’s idea of glory.”

The ego wants to add because it thinks it’s not enough. One way of doing that is by craving validation from others. We want to feel smart, pretty, successful and so on. And the validation makes you feel good for a while. But soon you need a new fix.

And the problem with being dependent on validation from other people is that you let other people control how you feel. This creates a rollercoaster of emotion in your life.

To find more emotional stability and to take control of how you feel you need to get your validation from to a more consistent source. Yourself. You can replace the expectations and validation of others by setting your own expectations and by validating yourself.

And so you validate yourself by thinking about how awesome you are. You don’t sell yourself short. You appreciate how far you have come and the positive things you have done. You appreciate your own value in the world. You set goals and you achieve those goals. This builds confidence in yourself and in your abilities. These things will help you to build a habit of inner validation.

Now, showing off. Why do we do that? To get validation from others. However, this need for validation often shines through and that is why a thing like bragging seldom works. Instead of seeing the cool and successful person you are trying to project people just see the insecure and needy person looking for validation. And your bragging falls flat.

6. Be proactive.

“To hell with circumstances; I create opportunities.”

It’s easy to get locked into a reactive mindset. You just follow along with whatever is happening. You do what the people around you do. You react to whatever is going on.

And so you get lost in your circumstances. This way of thinking doesn’t feel too good. You tend to feel powerless and like you are just drifting along.

A more useful and pleasurable way of living is to be proactive. As Bruce says: to create opportunities despite the circumstances around you. This feels better and provides better results (no matter if that with your blog or business, while dating or when it comes to your health). But on the other hand it’s also more difficult. It’s easier to just drift along in the reactive stream of life.

And if you want to be proactive then you may have to take the lead quite often. And that can be scary.

Still, living proactively is so much more rewarding and exciting.

7. Be you.

“Always be yourself, express yourself, have faith in yourself, do not go out and look for a successful personality and duplicate it.”

Just being yourself is a hard thing to do. You may do it sometimes. And other times you may forget or fall back into old thought patterns. Or you may imitate someone else.

And that comes through too. And it may work.

But I believe that being the real you will work better. Because there the genuine you is shining through. Without incongruency, mixed messages or perhaps a sort of phoniness. It’s you to 100%. It’s you with not only your words but you with your voice tonality and body language – which some say is over 90% of communication – on the same wavelength as your words. It’s you coming through on all channels of communication.

So I’m not saying: “yeah man, you should just be yourself because it’s the right thing to do etc”.

I’m saying that I think being your authentic self – the one where you do little dividing, the one that needs little validation from others, the one where your ego is not running the show and trying to get something from someone – will give you better results and more satisfaction in your day to day life because you are in alignment with yourself.

And because people really like genuine and people really like authenticity.

Image credit: Pinterest

Source: Positivity Blog.

The People You Envy Are Not Your Enemies, They Are Your Mentors

This is a guest post.

Envy is a shadow emotion.

It’s the dark side of desire, and it shields itself as so many different things.

We often don’t realize that we’re jealous of someone until it’s boiled over into an anger so hot, we are forced to stop and ask ourselves why we are so lost in rage.

We often don’t realize that we’re jealous of someone because the people we are jealous of often aren’t superhuman. There are enough beautiful people in the world that we could envy, but we don’t, because the people whose lives we most deeply covet are the ones that are most similar to our own.

In that is the lesson.

The people we envy are not our enemies, they are our mentors.

They are our mentors because what they are really showing us is what we aren’t allowing ourselves to have.

What they are really showing us is the depth of our desire.

What they are really giving us is clarity.

The people we envy are our mentors because envy itself is an enlightening, guiding emotion. It shows us what we want for ourselves, and think we can’t have. It shows us what we want to pursue, but think we aren’t able. It shows us what we want to have, but assume we don’t deserve.

When we someone who has what we really want, instead of reconciling our own desire, we try to suppress them as well.

We try to humanize and villianize them. We try to find fault wherever we can. Instead of allowing their lives to be proof that what we want is possible, we instead deny that they could possibly have achieved that which we are so convinced we ourselves could never have.

Instead of recognizing that our envy is showing us the places in which we want to grow, we displace the feeling, and blame someone else instead.

You do not want the exact life that someone else has.

You want whatever it is they are giving themselves permission to have, to feel, and to pursue.

Maybe you see someone else in a relationship. It’s not that you want to be with their exact partner, it’s that you also want to put yourself out there and find someone who matters to you. Maybe you see someone who is attractive. It’s not that you want to look exactly like them, it’s that you want to feel good about who you are. It’s not that you want exactly what they have, it’s that you want permission.

That’s why we’re more likely to be jealous of our peers than we are a celebrity. We’re more likely to envy the people just close enough to us than the people far away — even if those people are the ones who have far more than we could ever imagine.

We don’t covet it because what we envy are the lives that are ever so slightly elevated from our own. They’re just out of reach, but not so impossibly far away that they seem unrealistic.

That’s the thing about envy: underneath it all, the thing we most deeply desire is also the thing that we know, at some level, we are capable of having.

What we want is not to suppress someone else’s joy.

What we want is not to take away someone else’s success.

What we want is not to deny someone else’s love.

What we want is to allow ourselves to pursue what we know is within our reach.

What we want is to allow that envy to show us exactly what we want, and then to dissolve the limiting beliefs that are preventing us from having it.

When we envy someone, we are actually getting a lesson in our own desires.

Source: Brianna Weist

How Do You Lead A Simple Life?

We live in such simple times, yet finding happiness is much more complicated.

How can this be, when looking at our everyday lives, we have literally the entire world at our fingertips. We can search how many centimeters are in a mile, how to spell correctly, how to cook; heck there’s even a WikiHow tutorial on how to kiss.

Yet, we aren’t satisfied.

We throw our phones when they crash. We throw a fit when the internet’s down. We flip off the person carefully driving. We groan when the printer’s too slow. We roll our eyes when there is “nothing to eat,” because apples, milk, and cereal don’t count as food. We swerve through traffic. We don’t hold the door open. We don’t thank those who hold the door open for us. We briskly pass past the men in the red aprons that read “Salvation Army” in white stitch: we’re just trying to get our groceries and get the hell home. We snark hellish things, just to get a good laugh from a crowd of people we don’t care about.

Yet, we continue to ask ourselves, “why me?” We desperately search for the answer to this devastating question by drowning ourselves in everything any podcast, book, or youtuber titles as self-care or self-help. We meditate, journal, list five things we’re grateful for daily, read, find new creative outlets to express ourselves, cut out any toxicity in our lives, drown ourselves in work, drink more water, eat healthier, start working out, take days to ourselves to reset. We start to shut out friends once they’ve wronged us and we declare them “toxic” because our self help book told us that’s the only way to grow. We leave our spouses or girlfriends or boyfriends and friends because a podcast said we “deserve better” which translates into not wanting to communicate because we feel a sense of entitlement. If not, then the reason is that they “no longer serve a purpose.”

Yet, after all this searching, we find ourselves still not happy. We look around us, and we’ve shut out all of our friends, our significant others, and even family. We’re frustrated and confused thinking, “I’m doing everything this book/podcast/youtuber said.”

Imagine if it wasn’t this complicated.

Well, it isn’t. We just have to look. If we focus on the microscopic things, we’ll only set our sights on the negatives. Yet there’s so much to be happy about. We get to eat breakfast, lunch and dinner. We get to drink water. We sleep in a bed, under a roof. We’re able to get jobs. We can walk. We can talk. We can communicate. We can see. We can hear. We can drive. You have a phone, tablet, or computer that you can read this article on with internet. Happiness can be found in the simplest things, and it’s when we overlook them that we aren’t happy.

This beautiful post about positivity and happiness in our daily lives is inspired by Jaelyn Decena.