This Week’s Top Post: 5 Points on Toxic Mindsets That You Need to Get Rid Of

Before I begin, I want to congratulate you all for making it to November 2022. I say Happy new month guys. It’s been a while I posted on my space; well, we all know what the world says now with the current economic crisis. The best we can do is to pray and keep moving forward. This leads me to the topic of the week. Toxic mindsets we need to get rid of to live a better life.

Toxic mindsets are beliefs about our lives or ourselves that we develop from unfavorable circumstances, traumas, unresolved childhood issues, and failure. We start developing these mindsets and they grow with us if we don’t treat them right away. They have the power to ruin our lives or hold us back from living the life we want or achieving our goals.

1. You are not good enough.

One of the most common toxic mindsets is the belief that we’re not good enough for something, whether it’s a certain university or a job or a relationship, because at some point in our lives we wanted something so badly and we didn’t get it or it went to someone else, thus it became second nature to fear not getting something we want because we don’t want to feel that kind of pain again, so we don’t even try. The truth is, we may not be qualified enough for a job we want, and we may not be the right person for someone we want, but that doesn’t mean we’re not good enough, it just means that some things are meant to be ours or for us and it also means that we still have some work to do on our own before we can truly be ready for some experiences. The key here is not to let that mindset paralyze you from trying and you have to feel worthy and deserving of whatever you want, even if you don’t get it. In order to change the pattern, you have to change your mindset, even if the outcome is not the one you want. It’s all about what’s happening on the inside, not what’s happening on the outside.

2. Everyone leaves me.

Another common toxic mindset is the belief that everyone will eventually leave you, and that develops from childhood abandonment issues or losing someone dear to you at a very young age. You start building walls to protect your heart and eventually reenact the scenario that the people you love will leave you and you’ll end up alone, so you sometimes sabotage your own relationships. This is more evident in romantic relationships where one partner is always in a defensive mindset operating from a lack of trust and always feeling neglected and abandoned by their partner. To heal your abandonment issues, you must first get to the root of how it all started and which parts of it are you carrying into your relationships. Are you triggered because your partner did something offensive or are you triggered because this behavior reminds you of an old wound that you still need to tend to? Self-awareness and introspection in your own relationships are crucial to start healing your abandonment issues and getting rid of the beliefs that everyone will eventually leave you or things will always end badly. Your relationships can end for many reasons, but it makes all the difference when you look back and know that you gave it your all and you didn’t let your own limiting beliefs or insecurities define that relationship or determine where it goes.

3. You have to struggle to get what you want.

This is something we were all programmed to believe, statements like “no pain, no gain” or “life is unfair” keep us stuck in struggle mode. This belief may sound good at first but the reality of it is toxic, because anything that comes easy to us makes us feel like we don’t deserve it because we didn’t work hard for it. This mentality stops us from dreaming big or following our hearts or our passion because we are conditioned to believe that we have to work hard and struggle to earn the life we want, and we often feel guilty if we are living a less busy or stressful life than our peers, so we try to fill our time with things that don’t excite us just so we can go back home at the end of the day and feel ‘productive.’ It’s not a one size fits all for everyone, and if you are happy with the way your life is, even if you don’t work too hard or you’re not always swamped with things to do, then that’s all that matters. How others view your life is not your problem. We need to start believing that good things can be easy and struggle free and our dreams can be achieved without pain or struggle.

4. You can’t quit.

Similar to the previous point, we live in a society that judges quitters negatively. We’re always bombarded with motivational messages like “don’t quit now, don’t be a quitter, quitting is for losers… etc.” but sometimes quitting is the best and only option for you. I’m not saying don’t fight hard for what you want and what you love, but when you no longer have the energy or the motivation or the desire to keep going, when whatever it is you’re committed to is making it hard to wake up every morning and feel good about your life or yourself, it’s okay to quit. It’s okay to quit the job that makes you miserable. It’s okay to quit that relationship that’s been hurting you. It’s okay to quit living in a city that sucks the life out of you. Depending on your situation, sometimes staying is more toxic than quitting.

5. You have to be the bigger person.

Last but not least, learning how to be the bigger person was the way most of us were raised, but truthfully, it can be extremely toxic in some situations and with some people who cross the line and poison our lives. Being the bigger person doesn’t work with everyone because we are better off without some people in our lives. Cutting ties with friends or partners who constantly disrespect you or bring constant drama and problems into your life is the only healthy thing to do and being the bigger person in these situations will only draw in more toxicity and more unfavorable circumstances. It’s important to be empathetic, kind, and forgiving in some cases, but you have to draw the line and set boundaries with people who don’t have any or people who only make your life more difficult.

Before you cheer or comment on this post. I will like to acknowledge Rania Naim to allow me to use her piece as a guest post. This is an avenue to spread the word out there for people to read and get healed from these toxic mindsets listed. If you want to share, please go ahead.

Why Most People Close to You Get Mad When You Start Loving Yourself More

Hey guys, I know a lot of you can relate to this.

Some people get mad when you start loving yourself more because now you say no a lot more than yes. Now you use your voice and say things they’re not used to hearing from you. Now you know your worth and you don’t settle for the bits and pieces you used to settle for when you were still healing and figuring yourself out. Now you’re more aware of who wants to take advantage of you and who is lying and who is trying to trick you. Now you protect yourself even if it means letting others down.

Some people get mad because they miss the old version of you. The one they liked and got used to. The one they could easily manipulate because they knew that you would always be there, you would always put their needs above your own and they knew that you would always choose them over yourself. Now you keep choosing yourself and putting yourself first and it’s not serving them anymore. Now you don’t care if they abandon you or leave you or stop hanging out with you because you’re finally loving your own company and realizing that you’re perfectly fine without some people’s love and approval. Now you’re focusing on yourself and making things happen and it’s pissing some people off.

And it’s not always out of ill will or bad intentions but that one friend liked it when you would accommodate them whenever they needed you at their convenience and you never said a word. That ex liked the fact you were still hung up on them even after all the hurt they’ve caused you. That one boss liked it when they would belittle you so they could take all the credit because they knew you wouldn’t complain. That one family member liked it when they would blame you for all their failures and clear themselves from all their wrongdoings. It’s simple, people don’t like it when you see through their lies and manipulations. People don’t like it when you used to let things go but now you speak up. People don’t like it when you used to make them feel good about themselves but now you call them out and people don’t like it when you treat them the same way they treat you.

Some people get mad when you start loving yourself more because it means that you will no longer let things slide or be available to their disrespect or tolerate their behaviour, and these are the exact people who made you question your self-worth and made you feel like you don’t deserve more. They would always pull you back in their web whenever you tried to break free but nothing feels better than releasing yourself from this web and from their judgments. Nothing feels better than betting on yourself and winning. Nothing feels better than looking these people in the eye and they no longer get to you, they no longer intimidate you, they no longer have a soft spot, and they’re no longer on a pedestal. Nothing feels better than putting people back in their place and putting yourself first instead.

Your peace of mind and sanity is very important.

Topic of Failure Often Includes Habits

Many people follow a list of steps for a certain period of time, but then struggle to establish patterns they can stick to. But despite failure, I have discovered that we form habits in our lives whether we are intentional about creating them or not.

I’ve determined that creating a positive life requires replacing patterns that pull me away from a life of joy and purpose.

When I think about habits for a positive life, I think about feeding the soul. There is a lot of information and plenty of resources surrounding how to feed your mind and body, but not a lot on how to feed your soul. I believe nurturing the spiritual part of ourselves will then overflow into a positive mind and body. Here is a list of daily habits for a positive life:

1. Practice gratitude.

In a world of entitlement, we sometimes forget to be grateful. Acknowledging your blessings each night will put your mind in the positive state needed to welcome rest. Keep a notepad by your bed where you can write down your blessings. This way, if it’s been a hard day, you can see several examples of good.

2. Learn something new.

Continual learning and the growth produced, as a result, help to mold us into well-rounded people. We may not always be the best at the new things we try, but taking risks and being open to new learning will ultimately develop confidence and courage. Read a book, take an online class, or skim through articles about a topic that interests you. Growth from learning empowers positivity.

3. Connect with positive people.

Every now and then we find ourselves around a person who brings us down. If we build relationships with positive people and work on connecting each day, we will soon reflect that same positivity in our other relationships.

4. Let go of the past and focus on new possibilities.

It’s easy to get sucked into disappointment about the things we haven’t accomplished or the many failures we have all experienced. But if we take the time to dream and dwell in possibilities instead, we will soon develop a natural, positive way of thinking.

5. Share kindness.

The old saying, “Treat others the way you want to be treated” really holds true! Spreading kindness through words, acts of service, or giving your time not only instills positivity but also shares positivity. Practice taking notice of situations around you in which you could share a kind word or deed.

What are some ways you practice living a positive life? Let us know in the comments below.

Today’s Nugget: Swallow Your Pride, Confess Your Weakness

Hi guys,

A quick one.

Whatever is your weakness in life, you need to get help for total freedom. One thing i have noticed and my experience is that weaknesses can last long for a while if we tend to solve issues ourselves. For example, addiction or anger. We see addiction as a weak point in life where you feel if you share your problem, you will be embarrassed to share or rather judged. Am here to say; swallow your pride, and confess your weakness and get help needed.

Find a godly mentor, friend, or family member that will stand in faith with you. I still get help from my close friends in faith. They help when I need inspiration or lending a few points to help me overcome strife.

So don’t be embarrassed, confess your weakness knowing God can help you overcome the negative pattern of life.

Have a blessed day!